Navigating Hard Conversations: How to Tell an Aging Loved One It’s Time to Stop Driving

Telling a loved one that it is time to stop driving is a hard conversation. Being able to drive oneself offers independence and freedom. Taking that independence away from an aging loved one may make them feel stuck or confined to their home. It may also make them feel like a burden as they will have to rely on others for transportation.

According to a mature drivers survey conducted by Caring.com, asking a loved one to stop driving was more challenging to discuss than topics like final wishes or selling a home. 这是一次敏感但必要的谈话. Knowing when it is time to hang up the car keys is important to the safety of your aging loved one and others.

你爱的人应该停止开车的7个迹象

If your loved one experiences the following, you should discuss their driving abilities:

1. Difficulty following the speed limit – drives too fast or slow
2. 延迟反应时间
3. 很容易失去方向感或迷路
4. 注意力不集中或容易分心
5. Struggling with spatial awareness like staying in traffic lanes
6. 在停车场或转弯时撞到路边
7. 你注意到他们的车上有凹痕或刮痕

The decision to stop driving may not solely be due to aging. Your loved one may have a diagnosis that impairs vision, reaction time or coordination. They may also take medications that they should not drive while taking. You can reach out to their doctor to help you with this conversation.

如何开始对话

No one wants to have to break the news that a loved one’s driving is putting their life and the lives of others at risk. There are a few ways to make the conversation go more smoothly.

• 尽早开始对话. Try not to spring the topic on them out of the blue. When you start to notice mild concerns, mention it to them. You can propose setting parameters such as only driving short distances and not driving at night. This will help them get adjusted to the idea of scaling back driving. If it is a high concern, scaling back is too high risk.
• 显示同情. Since the topic is so sensitive, it is important to be understanding. Let your loved one know that you understand that this isn’t an easy decision. Listen to their concerns and acknowledge their feelings. Having compassion and remaining calm will help your loved one to understand your intentions.
• 解释了为什么. Remind your loved one that it is not a punishment but a step to ensure their safety. Remind them how much you care for them and that their safety matters to you. Emphasize that it is also for the safety of others on the road. 车祸会造成毁灭性的后果.
• 去车管所. 如果谈话进行得不顺利, give them a chance to take a vision and driving test at the DMV. This helps to take the decision out of your hands if they fail the test. Many DMVs also offer refresher courses for senior drivers.
• 提供运输方案. Understandably, aging loved ones don’t want to feel trapped at home. Be clear that you and your family will provide transportation or rides for things that are important to them such as visiting friends, 去教堂或者去杂货店. Have transportation alternatives planned before starting the conversation. Let them know that you value their independence and you will help them maintain it.

There are ways to help you and your loved one feel less burdened by the loss of their license. 有Uber或Lyft等拼车应用, and some areas have strong public transportation options. Your loved one can have items such as groceries and medications delivered to their home through companies such as Instacart, 亚马逊和GoodRx.

Understand that your loved one may be frustrated with this conversation. 保持一致和坚定是很重要的. Their safety and the safety of others depends on it.

资源:

http://www.whereyoulivematters.org/how-to-know-when-your-parents-should-stop-driving/#:~:text=Becoming%20easily%20distracted%20or%20difficulty,Having%20frequent%20close%20calls

http://www.senioradvisor.com/blog/2015/07/how-to-tell-your-aging-parent-to-stop-driving/